We all know they exist, but we do not speak their names

We all know they exist, but we don’t speak of them. They are used everyday, but we dare not say them aloud. Their very existence requires us to be silent. And we comply without question. Most of them have no reason to be. They serve no useful purpose, but we accept that they are part of our lives. We write their names, but we don’t say them to anyone. If we ever slip up, do the unspeakable, and actually say their names aloud, we will be mocked and surely corrected. We expect everyone to conform; there are no exceptions. Efforts have been made to systematically eradicate them, but to no avail. They are still with us in our schools, work, and even our homes.

 

We could all get along just fine without them, although without them we would have no roads or signs. Buildings with columns would no longer exist. Wednesday would no longer be the middle of our work week. And nobody would be able to walk a straight line.

 

On the other hand, there would be no more pneumonia, no more dumb people. Children would never again stretch the truth.

 

What forces us into this superfluous silence?

 

It is the silent letter. And while some silent letters help us to pronounce a word correctly, most do nothing more than take up space. As far as I can tell, every letter in the English language is used as a silent letter - every letter that is except for the mighty “V”. V stands alone in victory against this unspoken foe.  I compiled the list below of the rest of the letters of the English alphabet along with one corresponding word with a silent letter.

 

a          road

b          dumb

c          scene

d          Wednesday

e          rake

f           staff

g          sign

h          whistle

I           straight

j           marijuana

k          know

l           tall

m         mnemonic

n          column

o          oedipus

p          pneumonia,

r           sarsaparilla

s           pass

t           stretch

u          placque

v         

w         answer

x          faux pas

y          way

z           buzz

 

 

 

Ferry boat versus pickup truck

Listen to the birds laugh!

Customize your own road sign!

 

Customize your own road sign here.

Silly Signs #32

Charlie missed his quota again this month.

 

 

School Failed Alex

What ever happened to Alex? He was so smart before school!

Howdy Pop!

I had two hours with very little to do this morning because today I was a (insert dramatic music)  volunteer test proctor. My job was to ensure that standardized testing procedures were effectively carried out.  My slight smile was the only clue to my intense pleasure at being on the disseminating end of this test: you remember:  the fill-in-the-bubble, number 2 pencil, no-penalty-for-guessing test. 

There I sat watching the students; the only sound came from the clock’s ticking second hand which seemed to move increasingly slower as my borborygmy grew increasingly louder. (And yes, I did have to look up the spelling of borborygmy).

My mind drifted back to the morning before when I returned my signed packet of “proctor” instructions to the school office receptionist.  While exiting the office a young wisenheimer, probably a juvenile delinquent called in to see the principal, I later concluded, looked up at me and said “Howdy Pop.”  The overly innocent tone of this boy’s voice together with his choice of greetings set off a chain reaction in my brain which resulted in my conclusion that he was calling me over-the-hill.

So there I sat with nothing to do except to count the number of brand names on the students’ clothes. Then like a sudden itch that needs immediate attention, the unresolved mysterious “Pop” returned to my consciousness. Like a scientist analyzing all the causes of an experiment gone wrong, I pondered the term. I had no idea just how busy those three little letters would make me. I took out a piece of paper, and started scribbling.  The next sound I heard was the teacher’s voice, “Pencils down,” so I put my pencil down. Here’s what I wrote.

 Pop I realized was an important word, for pop is an example of all of the following:

Onomatopoeia for the sound made when a balloon pops.

Palindrome for pop is spelled the same backwards and forwards

Homonym for pop means to burst, and pop means dad

Colloquialism for pop means soda in certain geographic areas.

Acronym  for pop means  point of presence, an access point to the internet

Abbreviation for pop is short for popular

Jargon  for in baseball a hit which is easily caught is called a  pop fly

Noun for pop means Father

Verb  for pop means to ask as in pop the question

Adjective for pop describes some music

Adverb  for pop describes some verbs as in I’ll pop by

I just realized I figured out everything I ever wanted to know about the word pop . . . except maybe what that kid meant by “Howdy Pop.” 

Silly News 16: Got my dustbuster on my dash; now eat my dust

Silly

Sillier

Silliest

 

English is nutty 5

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.                                                                        

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

A calendar’s days are numbered.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Orignally posted by Tunnelblick

Paul’s Funkycast

Paul gave Rob’s Megaphone 

a shout out today

on his latest Funkycast (number 7), 

and I’d like to shout right back.

Check out Paul’s Funkycast right here.

Worlds’ best basketball shot

Silly News 15: The day the copyeditor got fired!

Sounds like a cushy job. (BTW: did you notice the contact person for the previous ad?)

Well you better go catch it.

Can’t get enough of that gravel.

Only middle school drop outs need apply

This is too good to be true. What’s the catch?

Challenge yourself: Grammar Quiz

Preview the questions; then take the quiz

Choose precisely the right word in the following:

1. What was the (affect/effect) of the victory?

2. (Because/Since) he lied, he was expelled.

3. We need to go four miles (further/farther) before we make camp.

4. The prisoners (alluded/eluded) the guard.

5. Sentences with (less/fewer) words are easier to understand.

6. Any spelling is (all right, alright).

7. My desk is different (from/than) yours.

8. (Because, While) that was not the case, John continued to believe it.

9. I am (anxious, eager) to learn all I can.

10. The weather changes (continually, continuously).

Take the quiz………………………..Here.

 Join my Grammar Group at Blog Catalog - the answers can be found here.

Silly News: 14: News during the writers’ strike.

Check out Sleeve Face