Waxing philosophic

 1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
 4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
 5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
 6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
 7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
 8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
 9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
 10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
 11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
 12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
 13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
 14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
 15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
 16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
 17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
 18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
 19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
 20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?
 21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the heck happened?’
 22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
 23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

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About robertstevenson

Dr. Robert Stevenson is a Professor of Journalism and Director of Student Publications for the Department of Mass Communications and Theater at Lander University in Greenwood, SC. He received the Distinguished Faculty of the Year award for 2007-'08, and the Lander University Young Faculty Scholar Award in 2005-06. Stevenson also serves as chair of the Lander University American Democracy Project. First and Formost I am a dad of two wonderful boys.
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13 Responses to Waxing philosophic

  1. Daisy says:

    These are great, Rob! “How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.” HA HA HA HA!

    Happy Halloween to you!

  2. Joe says:

    All were great, and insightful, but this one:

    16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

    is the ultimate. 🙂

  3. Robin Calais says:

    These were great, Rob. I have one for you. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

  4. timethief says:

    Thanks Rob. These were very entertaining.

  5. Wow the sponge one really had me laughing! Thanks for the fun 😀

  6. victorine says:

    i loved this! Really made my Sunday afternoon!

  7. Theresa111 says:

    Reminds me of sitting around with my friends, just out of high school, puffing away and sharing these types of funnies. I very much enjoyed reading them. They are witty and smart.

  8. timethief says:

    I like these very much Rob. Thanks so much for posting them 🙂

  9. Jack Payne says:

    Here are a few, Rob…

    …like the skilled diplomat who can tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

    Any philosophy than can fit in a nut shell belongs there.

    Enjoy better living through denial.

    If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

    Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

    Money is the route of all wealth.

    Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

    The principle of inertia is simple: A body at rest tends to stay that way.

  10. Theresa111 says:

    I just enjoyed them all over again.

  11. keith says:

    A double one for you … according to my car’s handbook, it’s fitted with an ‘ABS braking system’

  12. travelrat says:

    ‘Man who can see light at end of tunnel about to get hit by train’ (Old Chinese proverb)
    ‘Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean everyone’s out to get you’
    ‘I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure’
    ‘Tenn yeres aggo, I cudunt evin spel jernalist. Now, I are wun’
    ‘If at first you don’t succeed … to hell with it’

  13. Pat says:

    Stumbled across your blog today looking for a wordpress plugin.

    Anyway love your statements above, so thought I’d say Hi 🙂

    Inner Beauty Photography

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